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Establishing a good
relationship with a horse
A horse should respect you but at the same time it should not fear you. Think of your horse as
a partner. You wouldn’t want a partner to fear Establishing a good relationship with any horse
you ride or work with is you, would you? You would want your partner to treat you fairly and respect
you and you would treat him or her fairly and respectfully in return, right? If a horse is trying to dominate you, he is not
being a good partner, is he? Here are some practical tips to help you start off on the right foot with a horse.
Approaching a horse.
I always approach a horse from the side just around the horse’s shoulder. To greet the horse
I bring my hand slowly to the horse’s nose and let it sniff the back of my hand. Horses have a keen sense of smell and
if you introduce a new item to a horse the first thing it will do is smell the item to see if it is a threat to them. It is
better to use the back of your hand instead of the palm because this will give the horse your true scent and not the scent
of something you have recently handled. Then to reassure it, I give it a stroke on the neck just in front of the shoulder. Notice I didn’t say a pat on the neck. Recent research has indicated that patting
or slapping a horse on the neck, while it is commonly done in the horse world, is irritating to horses. It is better to stroke
them in the direction their hair grows. If the horse still seems tense, I will gently rub its forehead in a circular motion.
This releases endorphins, a calming chemical produced by the horse that goes into the brain and causes relaxation. Once a
horse gets used to this, it has a great calming effect.
Pay attention.
As you are grooming your horse pay attention to things: Does
the horse look happy and calm? Does he have any cuts on him or any swelling anywhere?
Do his feet look good? Do his feet need trimming? Is his coat shiny or dull? How does his weight look to you? Grooming is
a good time to give your horse a visual health check. And when tacking up, did you make sure there are no thorns or bits of
straw on his saddle pad that will irritate him? If it is winter and his bit is really cold, hold it in your hands for a few
minutes to warm the metal up. Check your tack as you work with it. Is anything wearing out that needs to be fixed? While riding
can be a social activity and there are usually many nice people that you can talk with in a barn, make sure you always pay
attention to your horse. This is important for the well-being of your horse and also for your safety.
The importance of calmness and relaxation.
Humans communicate primarily with language (by talking with each other). Horses communicate with each
other primarily through body language. This is an important difference to remember. Horses are keenly aware of body language
and are good at reading what our body is saying. Our body language tells the horse whether we are fearful or angry or relaxed.
That is why being conscious of what our body language is saying to the horse is so important. For example, if you are speed-walking
around your horse or running to pick up your brush and running back to your horse, that harried activity is going to make
your horse nervous. Or, if on most days you groom your horse in a relaxed manner, but today you are rushed and grooming him
much more quickly, your horse will sense the difference and may wonder if something is wrong. Many riders have busy lives
and I know it is sometimes hard after a long day in the office to unwind. But take a deep breath as you walk into a barn and
take a moment to think about being relaxed and calm before approaching your horse. So many times I’ve seen people rushing
to groom or rushing to ride. Too often people rush when they put the bridle on and accidentally hit the horse in the teeth
with the bit. Then they wonder why they have trouble bridling their horse the next time they try. Be calm and relaxed around
your horse and it will be calmer and more relaxed around you.
Don’t let a horse push you out of your space.
Horses are social animals and a group of horses that hang
out together in a pasture is called a herd.
In every herd there is a hierarchy. There will be one boss horse and other
more subordinate horses. To establish dominance over another horse a horse
will push a weaker horse out of his space. A horse does this in a number of
ways. Usually a horse will threaten another horse by pinning his ears back
and moving toward the other horse with his head thrust forward. If the horse he threatens is weaker or lower down in herd
hierarchy it will move away from the stronger horse. If the horse that was
threatened is stronger or higher up in the herd, he might just decide to fight
back and not let the threatening horse push him out of his space. You can see this type of dominance in action when two horses
want to eat out of the same grain bucket or drink out of the same water trough. The dominant horse will rudely push into the weaker horse and the weaker horse will leave the grain or water trough. In this
sense, the dominant horse pushes the other horse out of his space and makes
it move away.
Because herd hierarchy is something a horse understands, and because as I
said before, a horse needs and wants to know who is boss, it is important that you do not let a horse push you out of your space. If you let this happen, you are letting the horse be the “boss horse” and therefore you won’t be
boss. As I said before, either you are in charge or the horse is in charge.
You always want to be in charge. Of course, there are circumstances when you
should get out of the horse’s way. For example, if a horse is charging at you or running full speed toward you,
get out of the way! What I mean by not letting a horse push you out of your space is to be conscious that your movements when
working around the horse don’t give the horse the wrong message.
Sometimes people let their horses push them out of their space
and they don’t even realize it. For example, let’s say
you are grooming your horse in his stall and he moves toward you and you back up. What you just told the horse is that the
horse is in charge and you are not. Even if the horse takes one step toward you and you lean away, you are telling him he’s
boss. When in a stall or working with a horse, be conscious to stand your ground and move the horse out of his space, not
the other way around. Or let’s say you are standing at the entrance to a paddock gate and the horse starts crowding
you. That horse is being dominant and you should not let him do this. Make him back up. Essentially, push him out of your
space. You can do this by gently pushing him on his chest with one hand and say back
(if he is trained). Or alternatively, just shoo him away with your hands. If he still doesn’t move away, shoo him away
more aggressively (by waving your hands around faster) until he moves out of your space. Most horses are big chickens and
will move with even a slight movement of the hand. Disengaging a horse’s hip is one of the best and simplest methods
I can think of to establish your authority. When you disengage a horse’s hip you are essentially making the horse move
away from you and out of your space. I will explain how to do this in detail in Chapter 4. For now, though, I’d like
you to just understand that by moving a horse out of his space you are establishing your authority without having to use unnecessary
force—and that’s a good thing!
Don’t look a horse in the eye.
Sometimes I work with horse owners and try to help them figure
out why they are having problems with their horses. One of the things I find
myself saying is “don’t look him in the eye, don’t look him in the eye!” Many horse owners and horse
people don’t understand that horses don’t feel comfortable when you
stare directly into their eyes. If you watch horses in a field you will see that they rarely look at each other directly in
the eye. The only time horses do this is when they are fighting or showing
signs of aggression. Generally, horses feel very uncomfortable when you look them directly in the eye. That’s why when
dealing with a horse I make a conscious effort to look at it without making direct
eye contact (I rely on my peripheral vision). There are a few exceptions here, such as when you want to be more aggressive
for disciplinary reasons (when a horse is doing something wrong). Our barn
dog is a collie mix named Lady. She loves to herd the horses (or rather she tries to herd them). When she’s being aggressive she stares directly at the horse. When she wants to show the horse that
she is not aggressive she will not stare at the horse but rather turn her
head away. She seems to instinctively know how to communicate with the horse. So the moral of the story is, avoid making direct
eye contact or staring into the eyes of a horse. Horses find this aggressive
and it makes them uncomfortable.
Be generous with your praise and stay positive.
When a horse does a good job, rub its neck or praise it with your
voice by telling it it’s a “good boy” (or “good girl”). Treating others as you would like to
be treated applies to horses as well as to people. Everyone likes to be praised and
horses do too. Over the years I have seen many riders get upset over their horse
doing the smallest thing wrong. We cannot expect our horses to be perfect all the time. I have yet to see a perfect human
and I am quite confident I never will. If we get upset and create an unpleasant
experience for the horse we will be causing more problems than we are trying to fix. We must learn to control our emotions and accept the imperfections of our horse and of ourselves. We must accept them
for who they are. It is also very important to keep a positive attitude. If
a horse displays bad behavior try to figure out why before you take disciplinary action. Was he afraid of something? Was he
on the defensive? Did you do something wrong? Do you need to improve your
riding skills to solve the problem? Bad behavior doesn’t necessarily mean that the
horse is a “bad” horse. In my experience most “horse problems” are people problems. With a positive
attitude and a willingness to improve our own skills and knowledge, almost
all “horse problems” can be solved.
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